Saturday, January 5, 2013
The revolution is not an apple that falls when it is ripe.
You have to make it fall.
About a year ago I wrote a blog about not making new years resolutions, instead I said a new life revolution was necessary to truly affect any real change. Having just past the new year again I thought it would be appropriate to give an update on the revolution in progress. No the revolution is not over. In fact I'm not sure it ever truly is. I think I'm finding that we must continually change and adapt, move forward and grow, or we run the risk of stagnating.
I didn't just write the post about a new life revolution last year and not take action on it. I didn't fall prey to the trap that I have so many times before and just speak it with no follow through. This year has been a tremendous year of upheaval and discovery. It has been rife with ups and downs and overall I believe I've grown as a person. I learned, as I wrote previously, that life seems to have its own righting reflex, and that energy has a way of balancing itself. You cant have positives without the counterbalance of negatives. If you don't struggle against adversity and triumph, or fail and try again then you are not trying hard enough. Life has a way of opening doors for you when you are following the right path, and adds just enough adversity to make it hard to achieve. Nothing comes easy or without a price.
There have been some amazing things happen this year for me. They didn't come easy and have all been hard earned but I have fought and struggled through it. I applied to and attended massage therapy school. When I wrote my first blog about the revolution I didn't have any idea that this was the path I'd take. I am four days away from graduating school now and have already passed the national exam. I've done very well in school and learned alot. I achieved great scores on my tests, and had great reviews on the hands on work I've done. I did all this while working full time and still found time to be with my family. It hasn't been easy mentally, emotionally, physically, or financially, but I've persevered and made it through. It helps that my wife and family are all so very supportive. I found reservoirs of strength that I didn't know existed. During school I had to learn on the fly. Truthfully I really had no time to study so I had to learn it all the first time and just retain it. I knew I didn't have time to forget it, so I didn't. I don't know how that worked but it did. I let go of alot of things this year as well. I knew financially this year would be tough. Between having to travel back and forth to school (half hour each way) and not having time to do any overtime to make anything extra, we learned to do without or to make what we had stretch when we had to. Again thanks to my amazing wife who stayed supportive the whole way through, we made it. My family really pulled together as well and helped as they could. My priorities rearranged alot this year as well. Things that seemed important before became less so and those that were truly important became very clear. The revolution had been amazing and continues to grow daily.
The flip side to all of this is there is always and equal and opposite reaction to every action. There have been hard things too. Things from my past have crept up again and tried to interfere with my future. Due to actions not of my own, I am embroiled in a court battle with my ex over child support. My relationship with my son has deteriorated to the point where it hangs by a precarious string of hope. I have tried many things to remedy these situations but to no avail. I can only think that when I started this revolution a year ago that I dropped a huge stone in the energy pool of life and I couldn't foresee all the things that the ripples would touch as they spread out from the impact point. I feel as though this next year will bring alot of clarity and settle alot of this situation. I guess the outcome remains to be seen.
Sometimes though when the ripples spread out and mar the surface of your tranquil pool, they can seem more like 15 ft waves instead of ripples. Remember, you cannot achieve anything great without creating a ripple affect that touches everything around you. Sometimes as those waves come back, you have two choices. Give up and be swept out to sea by them and drown, or you paddle like hell and try to ride that bitch for all its worth. I'm a realist and I understand that sometime we all just get so tired and beat down that drowning seems like a more pleasant option that going any further, however the Marine in me,(and the Rogue of course) will not let that happen.
So here I am paddling like hell and trying to stay one step ahead, so I don't end up a wreck on the reef. I took my experiences and began another blog this year called Tracing the Knot: Retracing a winding path which is a chronicle of parts of my life. I used this as a catharsis to help me work through alot of what I went through and am still dealing with. It is not even close to done yet and I look forward to working on it through completion. If you haven't checked it out, I'd suggest you start at the first post and read forward. I'm trying to take the negative things that happen and use them as fuel to do even more good things, to create new works, to think new ideas, and learn even more about what it is to be me. In short I'm paddling like hell, trying not to drown, and using it all for fuel to keep the revolution alive. I am the voice crying out in the wilderness. I am the Rogue Poet. I will continue to fight daily in my own revolution, and continue to evolve. Hopefully some of you out there will hear my voice and decide now is the time, and start your own new life revolution. As for me, the battle rages on, and I go into it with I a smile on my face, determination in my step, love in my heart, and the knowledge that I know I have already won.
Viva la Revolution!!!
I am a Rogue Poet,
a wandering bard,
an incurable dreamer,
I am Free.